graping the plunge
Posted on 2008-Jan-30 at 02:53
This post might fall under the 'too much information' category so if you're squeamish about shit or don't want to hear about the crap habits of my husband you may want to skip this post. You have been warned.
For years my husband has had tummy troubles. He has a lot of pain and he shits way more than he eats. He's had scopes done... in both ends though thankfully for him it was not at the same time... blood tests, poop tests and he's been given a myriad of drugs. So far there has been no definite diagnosis, prognosis or psychosis. He's had a particularly rough time with his belly for the past two or three months. It's making him miserable and it frustrates me that the doctors have not found anything. I had begun to wonder if it was all in his head, until last night.
If there was ever any question that my husband had no shame I am about to abolish all doubts. My part in it might be a little disturbing too unfortunately.
"Baby come here for a sec." he called me from the bathroom.
"I don't think so."
"Please come here, I need you." he giggled.
"What for?"
"You gotta see this."
The last time this happened he told me he pooped a ladybug...which turned out to be a partly digested strawberry.
"I don't want to see your shit."
"Seriously honey, you have to see this."
I stood in the bathroom door, held my breath and shook my head as he sat snickering on the toilet.
"What is it?" I asked not really wanting to know.
"Grapes."
"Shut up."
"Seriously."
Forgive me my friends, but I had to look. Sure enough there in the bowl... along with other matter that I will erase from my memory... were two whole green grapes.
"That's not right. For fuck sakes you're not supposed to swallow food whole, apparently you don't chew any better than you digest!"
"I chew!!"
"Oh so how did whole grapes get in there then? Either you are shoving them up your ass or you've got vines growing up in there." I pointed at the toilet "If not I believe THAT is proof otherwise."
Poop is funny, we giggled over the dung incident for a while but the more I think about it the more it concerns me. There must be something wrong with his digestive system when he can shit out entire grapes... not to mention something wrong with him for not chewing first! I don't spend a lot of time checking out my own waste but I have never seen anything that has gone that completely undigested... with the exception of corn or the occasional sesame seed. This morning he made yet another appointment with the doctor and I told him to make sure he lets her know that he's shitting like a goose and that things are passing through without breaking down. Too bad he didn't think to save the grapes, he could have taken them in to her as evidence... unless she couldn't diagnose his problem in which case he could just give them to her as a snack.
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Posted on 2008-Jan-30 at 03:54 by
pd
Irritable Bowel Syndrome...?
Slippery Elm powder dissolved and consumed once a day?
I dunno!
...doesn't he choke on whole grapes..????
.
Posted on 2008-Jan-30 at 04:02 by
Chica
THAT is frackin hilarious, my hubby does the same thing, but the day he poops whole grapes...I'm not so sure, It's no wonder hubby has tummy problems!! LOL :)
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Posted on 2008-Jan-30 at 04:05 by
texican
Has anyone checked for Crohn's disease? My ex has it. Blood tests might show anemia and/or higher than normal white blood cell counts. Then again, the scopes would have showed inflammation in the intestines...
Whatever it is, I hope y'all find out and it gets better.
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Oh shit!
I keed... I keed...
How strange. Maybe it's something with the way his body processes fruits or foods with higher fiber stuff? Hopefully this will give the doctor a better idea towards a diagnosis for that shit.
Damn. Did it again. I can't help it. Hope his royal Heinyness gets it all figured out.
EclectaComment
My mom had Crohn's. Hopefully it's not that. It can be pretty debilitating. Does he have any issues with arthritis? They are linked.
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The craziest part about it is that there were two whole grapes, not just one.
I have a story that goes in a different direction:
Back in high school, a friend of mine ate a pot of macaroni and cheese. He then proceeded to down a whole bottle of Colt45. He then puked up the mac and cheese whole. Not chewed up, but whole. I have never seen anything like it, and he had been digesting that for at least 45 minutes.
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Posted on 2008-Jan-30 at 05:23 by
ben
It's all very bizarre.
He has been tested for IBS and Crohn's and there is no arthritis, in fact he is otherwise very healthy. His cholesterol is high and he is taking meds for that but that was the only abnormal thing in his blood even.
I think he is an alien. That would explain a lot.
Oh man
Posted on 2008-Jan-30 at 05:28 by
Patty
Tell him to try eating yogart every morning at breakfast time and also chewing up two Metamucil wafers. This sometimes helps. But it also sounds like he needs to slow down and chew more slowly. I had lots of problems when the kids were all small, doctor said I had some colitis, but mostly nerves causing my flare ups. I swear some items I would eat, 30 mins later, they were passing on through. Not since I have to take calcium everyday, I don't have that problem as much. But some evenings when the room is quiet, my stomach sounds like fire work explosions going off. And everytime I just swallow spit, it makes that grumble and rumble sound. Have no idea why, it's just me. I do belch a lot, but I don't seem to be gassy the other end. I know, I know, TMI. I hope he finds his problem, it can be very annoying.
What about Celiac?
Posted on 2008-Jan-30 at 05:48 by
Minda
My sister's intestines are intolerant to gluten, which basically slice away the villi. Things then do pass right through her as there is no way for her to digest them. Just wondering if it was something you had checked?
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Posted on 2008-Jan-30 at 05:56 by
DeeJay
Yogurt is good. I inhale that stuff every day.
I was snickering all the way through this entry. I tell ya', nothing is sacred with you and it totally makes me grin.
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Posted on 2008-Jan-30 at 06:20 by
treasa
You know what? After owning birds and helping to raise a baby, poopology just becomes a way of life. (and as a matter of fact, there are several universities that offer degrees in poopology)
Still, whole foods are not normal. I hope he gets this figured out soon.
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Posted on 2008-Jan-30 at 06:45 by
texican
The yogurt is a very good idea...especially if he's on antibiotics. You have to get the stuff with live active cultures, though. They help to replenish the good bacteria in the intestinal tract. It could also be possible that he doesn't produce enough of that bacteria on his own.
Also...do you know if he has any food allergies? I know this is going to sound crazy, but it's something that my ex did and it has had tremendous results. She went to a chiropractor who specializes in applied kinesiology. She was able to determine that L was allergic to certain foods. She put her on a detox program, a customized vitamin regimen, and used manipulations to help keep the Crohn's in check. She has done extremely well by avoiding the foods she's allergic to but is having problems (after several years without any episodes) since she hasn't been able to find another chiropractor with similar credentials over here.
I know your hubby may not have Crohn's but the allergy issue may be something to look into. L would have been in terrible shape if not for that doctor. Anyway...pm me if you would like more info with regard to L's experience. I also saw the same doctor for a different reason and was very happy with the results. Sorry this is so long...
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Posted on 2008-Jan-30 at 07:36 by
ben
He does eat yogurt every day... he hates it and has to choke it down but he eats it faithfully because he heard it might help a long time ago.
He did have allergy testing done a couple years ago but the only thing they found was a slight reaction to ragweed.
He has also been tested for Celiacs (my brother and sil are gluten intolerant so he had it checked on their suggestion) but all tests were negative there too.
We have even tried cutting out the usual suspects in food allergies and it never made any difference. I have decided (In my unprofessional medical opinion) that he has some sort of parasite. That was what the latest poop tests were checking but they don't have the results back yet.
And Rene, never apologize for long comments, that does not bother me a bit. And thank you all for your advice and concern. We both appreciate it.
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This may seem gross, but it sounds like he has a parasitic issue. Take him to the vet & have them run some labs on him. And a cat scan. *snicker*
Seriously, he really needs to slow down on his intake and chew his food better. It's not normal to pass food whole, except for corn, of course. Your hubby is so amazingly weird. He's still a keeper, though. Hope the docs can pull their collective brains out of their arses and get this resolved! Maybe he needs a bottle of "colon cleanse"! *shudder*
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Posted on 2008-Jan-30 at 09:11 by
texican
Thanks, ben...:)
I am not a doctor but I read alot on the Internets
Posted on 2008-Jan-30 at 09:31 by Roxanne
I thought Crohn's too. Then Celiac disease but if he's tested negative for both of those, then frick, I'd send him back to the factory, he's defective! LOL!
I hope his poop problems pass quickly!
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This one has me speechless.
I do hope he gets the help he needs though and the chewing thing - yeah - tell him to slow down, chew the food. And Lady V might be onto something about having a parasite, he definitely needs to have that checked out.
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Posted on 2008-Jan-31 at 04:21 by
Betz
Isn't it cool how you have a whole diagnostic team at your hands on the net?
My sis had issues with her tummy for years and much like his Heiness she had every test the docs could think of as well as scoping out her body from end to end. Still they had no answers. The same rang true for my Mom so everyone assumed that it was some bizarre family disease and perhaps one day their freakish bowel activities would be published in some medical journal.
Two years ago my parents switched to a macrobiotic diet and began to purchase only organic foods. They encouraged my sister to join them in this process and everyone tossed highly processed foods, junk food restaurant stops etc.
Both Mom and Sis have never been better and my Mom's doc says that the diet is much better for her due to her diabetes.
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Posted on 2008-Jan-31 at 04:47 by
audsmom
Oh, how funny! I hope his appointment goes well...
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O_o WHOLE grapes? Geez I just laughed my pants off at this post, it's just a shame that your man is suffering :/
I hope it all get's sorted out soon xxx
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Hey Ben, long time no read...
My fiance has the same problem. A couple months ago he confessed that when he eats salad, the leaves often pass through untouched. And he doesn't have the calmest of digestive systems either. Neither of us is sure what it's all about, but if your husband's doctor suggests anything, please let me know!
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Posted on 2008-Feb-4 at 09:00 by
bitzky
Oh man.... I'm impressed that you could handle this.. matter... with such coolness :D
He might have assembly nanites in his diagestive system! Sure, it's science fiction but it might be already happening! O.O
Just my very personal opinion.
Posted on 2008-Feb-4 at 03:07 by
thyme
Irritable bowel syndrome had me in a giggle ... that is a song by the arrogant Worms isn't it? (no worries, I paid for that one.. :P)
There may be something wrong with him, but chewing might help nonetheless! I had that for a while, when I was eating lots of raw vegetables, I had undigested mush of carrots and cucumber in my poo. Somehow it doesn't really surprise me that food does not digest if you don't chew, you might try for yourself with peanuts...
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Posted on 2008-Feb-5 at 04:37 by
Kazart
Lmao.. that was hilarious! like that phrase from 'finding nemo' .. 'fish in ma hair'.. 'grapes in ma poo'..
I once regurgitated a whole profiterole.. I think it was something to do with the alcohol it was accompanied by lol.. I'm sure I chewed!
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