I am feeling the urge, I’ve need it and I need it real bad. I’m a dirty dirty girl and I need a clean clean house.

I freely and happily admit I am not a cleaner. My husband does the majority of the everyday domestic duties, he likes it, it keeps him busy and since he is hyperactive with ADD tendencies (not really but close) he needs to be kept occupied. Now that is not to say I am a total slug. I do plenty around the house (when I have to). The kitchen is where I shine, I do all of the cooking and I excel at it. My husband does the dishes regularly but usually that chore is completed by whoever is in the vicinity when it needs to be done...I try to make it not me. I love having a tidy house and if I had to do all of the housework to keep it that way I would. Fortunately, I don’t or I would live in a much smaller dwelling.

About twice a year I get bit by the bug to scrub and the urge to purge. I dung out everything and polish every surface in the place. This spring cleaning fever started for me on Friday. I had the day off so I started first thing in the morning. The office took me nearly four hours. I went through every paper in every drawer and on every shelf plus I cleaned out the desk and the closet. I threw out two full garbage bags of crap. It felt so good I headed for my closet. I filled another two big green trash bags full of clothes that have already gone to the church. It appears that over the winter some of my more summerish clothing has shrunk a little. Fucking closets, why can’t they make them stop shrinking my damn clothes?!

Yesterday while my husband tidied the basement and made The Boy’s bed, I dusted the living room, repotted some plants, scrubbed my bathroom and cleared the cobwebs and dust puppies from every corner of my bedroom. I vacuumed the carpet and my bed and washed all of my bedding. The place is so fucking pristine I don’t even want to be in there never mind allowing the hubby and the dog admittance.

Today His Highness cleaned the oven which is really self-cleaning so basically he turned it on and vacuumed out the charred remnants of whatever spilled in there and sets of the smoke alarm every time we baked anything. I went to work early because I could not stand the smell.

My husband will do the floors and sanitize and disinfect his bathroom tomorrow so all that is left for me to do before my baby comes home (oh yeah, did I mention my kid is coming home for Easter!!??!!) is a quick once-over of the kitchen and dining room.

I feel lighter...despite my shrunken clothing...having gotten rid of so much shit and getting my house so sparkly clean but there was another bonus to this cleaning frenzy. I read somewhere that women get turned on when they see their men cleaning house, frankly it doesn’t do shit for me but I did discover that watching me clean is better than porn for my husband. Most men think their women are at their hottest in short skirts, high heels with hair and make-up perfectly done. My man however gets all worked up over me in sweat pants and a hoody with no make-up on and my hair pulled back in a pony with a dust rag in one hand and a garbage bag in the other. In fact the more I cleaned, the dirtier he wanted to get. At least I know when he gets old(er) and can’t get it up anymore that he won’t need Viagra, I’ll just dab a little bleach behind my ears and start scrubbing the toilet.